-body

The zen of being really incredibly annoyed

Fri, 20 Apr 2012 15:19:00 -0500

This is SUPER annoying. I’ve been losing weight. Losing fat and getting noticeably thinner. My pants were getting looser along with my shirts.

Suddenly, I have hit some weird fat loss stage where whatever fat was supporting my mass started to dissolve so my belly shifted down and BOOM I can hardly get my pants on and the last button of my shirts is hanging on in a scene reminiscent of some movie where someone hangs on for their life — because I’ve lost weight.

It’s enough to make me cry, but I’m glad I’m losing. I’m not glad that my pants are full of excess skin and thinner belly however.

I’ve been experiencing increased energy — I’d never have been able to jog even a few months ago.

My intention is to burn off enough fat that it’s all pretty thin instead of just displaced in areas.

Onward

Fri, 20 Apr 2012 15:11:56 -0500

Quick post. I recently walked 12 miles with Ross and I didn’t die. I even jogged part of the way (most of the first leg of CouchTo5K). We set out to walk 2-4 miles, got lost in the woods, circled around a couple times and wound up realizing how far away we were after we were already like 5-6 miles in.

I was really tired after, and dehydrated (we hadn’t brough water because we didn’t realize it was a surivalist exercise at the outset). But, I healed quickly and was feeling right after a day.

I had a physical a couple months ago and everything was pretty good — not great. No medications is the best part. Glucose and cholesterol were a bit high and need work. BP is a bit high and needs work. But overall no dire situations requiring medication. That feels really good considering I used to have to take medicines every single day, presumeably forever.

I need to weigh in (I forget what my physical said) and post the results.

I’m eating a lot better. I try to eat only organic meat and veg if I can help it (and afford it). Getting a lot of Omega 3’s from kale, fish and fish oil, as well as the grass fed beef and natural chicken. I was inspired to overhaul my eating habits after a 1.5 hour lecture from my doctor about our “connection to green” and how our bodies need Omega 3’s to heal. I’ll spare you here, but the long and the short of it was that the reason your great great grandfather was able to smoke a pack of cigarettes, work in the sun, eat bacon and eggs cooked in lard and not get cancer was because the eggs and bacon he was eating was natural, organic food from chickens and pigs that ate natural green plants and/or bugs that ate natural green plants. He had some rationalizations for why this was the case — and hey — he spends all of his time thinking about it and I paid for his opinion so why not take his advice?

If I can eat a steak and I just have to make sure it’s not raised on corn and other cows — hey that’s a small (non-existant) trade off in my book.

I’ve accomplished some stuff that needed accomplishing. Much more to do. It’s not easy to man-up and...

Wed, 19 Oct 2011 23:05:10 -0500

I’ve accomplished some stuff that needed accomplishing. Much more to do. It’s not easy to man-up and deal with stuff that combines emotions with the legal process, money and memories. Panic attacks don’t help productivity and I hate even being someone that deals with them. But I see myself getting stronger, slowly. I couldn’t have done any of this 5 years ago.

Photo

Thu, 04 Aug 2011 22:09:30 -0500

The magic of moving

Thu, 04 Aug 2011 22:08:37 -0500

I have been fighting a gnawing self-loathing for awhile and doing things to keep my mind occupied. Unfortunately, that tends to mean doing things I shouldn’t be doing, or at least not at the ideal time. Like gaming instead of sleeping or surfing instead of working on my goals or eating out instead of going home.

Then I got hit with bad news from my parents. Long story short, financial insecurity right when I don’t need more financial insecurity.

So I’m fighting the self loathing and panic attacks and outrage and helplessness.

I decided to buy healthy groceries and stop eating out.

And then I decided to walk.

Groceries in the car, I parked at the lake, changed into shorts in the parking lot and took off to Vampire Weekend accompanying me.

I decided exercise was the only way to boost my seratonin where it needs to be to get through this.

I started out and everything hurt.

I was reflecting on why bodies carry so much pain, why my body hurts so much.

And I just kept going.

Thinking about the things I have to be thankful for. Thinking about the things I should be angry about. Thinking about wanting to live instead of die here.

And a funny thing happened after the first mile.

I stopped to take a photo of the sunset. I reflected on it for a moment. How beautiful that was.

All the pain left my body. My shoulders and neck and back which had been aching and pulling me down— just faded away.

I felt 10lbs lighter. I felt like I was going twice as fast as before. Zooming past people. Smiling.

Slowly the feeling faded. Some pain came back, but I was left with a positive feeling. A warmth of hope.

A sense that I could do it, hardship and all.

It’s going to be a long walk.

Third Weigh-In!

Sun, 17 Jul 2011 17:32:41 -0500

I’ve lost 20 lbs since beginning the diet.  Down to 303 lbs with 103 lbs to go to my 200 lbs goal.

Progress.

Eager to break 300. Definitely doing it before my 37th birthday in August. I’d like to be 200lbs when I turn 38. Seems like a good goal, but honestly I’ll be happy to be 200 at 40. Definitely doable.

Mid-way goal is to get low enough to do a tandem skydive. My heart tests out fantastic despite years of abuse, so the weight is the only thing holding me back.

Diet has sucked for awhile now, but I’m still trying to eat lower carb with only occasional sugar.

Exercise has also sucked with the onset of summer. The humidity and couple bouts of allergy induced vertigo has set me back. I’ve felt my mood drop along with my seratonin levels.

Went swimming today. It was a great break and much needed exercise. Swam about 5 straight laps and then spent an hour doing laps on my back. I like to go both directions just using my legs. It’s a great no-impact run/bike motion to go forward (feet first).

Way more stamina with my manly legs than my wimpy arms at the moment, but I dud spend sone time working on the rotator muscles that have been slowing me down for awhile now.

Minus body is still on track.

Second Weigh-In!

Wed, 04 May 2011 23:09:45 -0500

I’ve lost 16 lbs since beginning the diet.  Down to 307 lbs with 107 lbs to go to my 200 lbs goal.

Progress.

I can’t wait to get under 200….

Demons

Wed, 04 May 2011 23:08:46 -0500

Been dealing with some personal demons as I’ve been losing weight and exercising more. I’ve made some important discoveries and unfolded another part of the map that had previously been concealed along with my toes.

I’m still making progress, however. Not only with the weight, but with the demons as well.

Friendship is a very important key to success.

Today’s lunch equation (by designer that doesn’t do math): (Mild Cheddar cheese +Mexican...

Wed, 04 May 2011 12:33:59 -0500

Today’s lunch equation (by designer that doesn’t do math): (Mild Cheddar cheese +Mexican mayo with jalapeños +Rolled in slices of Virginia ham) +Jicama sticks +Walnuts +Diet Mountain Dew (normally it’s water but I’m upping caffeine as a natural diuretic to lower my sodium levels) = i -fat

Hurrying=bad

Mon, 04 Apr 2011 14:13:56 -0500

Yesterday, a friend and I got an hour massage and whirlpool visit that I’d actually purchased back in December (great deal on Groupon!).

It was so relaxing (despite the chatty masseuse).

It was sunny out and I got to wear shorts with the VFFs for the first time.

Had a nice brunch and talked.

Setting off to do my screenwriting for the day, I had my friend drop me off at a coffee shop about a mile and a half from home. This ensured I’d get a walk in despite being relaxed and lazy.

Unfortunately, as I was leaving for home that evening a very strong wind had kicked up and it got very cold. I was getting messages about rain in the area.

So with scary weather imminent (big tree branches were already coming down) and a mile through a not-terrible-but-not-great part of town— me and my giant messenger bag decided to hurry.

Hurrying in new VFFs with a heavy bag is a bad idea.

Started taking longer strides than I should and hitting my heel too much.

By the time I got home I had a sore spot on my heel and my back was aching.

Today I’m quite sore. Feet feel bruised. Back and neck aches.

But, no pain no gain. I wanted to strengthen my feet and this certainly helped.

Today, however, I am wearing nice padded socks and Skechers to let the swelling come down.

Only a couple blocks worth of walking.

Feel silly getting the massage and then beating myself up, but probably no harm done.

First Weigh-In!

Thu, 31 Mar 2011 19:54:00 -0500

I’ve lost 12 lbs since beginning the diet.

Down to 311 lbs with 111 lbs to go to my 200 lbs goal.

Progress.

The Walk Home

Thu, 31 Mar 2011 19:07:15 -0500

I walked the mile home in my VFFs. I’m amazed by how the small amount of padding actually protects my feet from acorns, rocks and sticks. I can feel my foot start to wrap around the obstacle, I change my stride accordingly, but no pain. That’s a good thing while I’m toughening up my feet and building muscle.

Ultimately, I feel like we spare ourselves too much pain in life (see The Avoidance Of Pain post from a few days ago). Pain is our birthright. It’s a finely tuned sense that has taken a long time to develop. It’s there for a reason and we do everything in our ability to deaden it and prevent the notification.

Nature’s way of getting rid of pain is strengthening us. Man’s way of getting rid of pain is weakening us.

I wore the Vibram Five Fingers to catch the bus today (raining) and changed at work. I am more sore...

Thu, 31 Mar 2011 10:09:51 -0500

I wore the Vibram Five Fingers to catch the bus today (raining) and changed at work.

I am more sore today, after simply walking some very short distances last night in the VFFs, than I was after walking a mile actually barefoot. I need to pay attention to walking naturally in the VFFs and make sure that the additional shock absorbers aren’t making me injure myself. It could be that it’s just the process of breaking in new shoes… or I suppose it could be a delayed muscle ache from the barefooting….

Something to keep an eye on.

"What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals."

Thu, 31 Mar 2011 10:02:05 -0500

“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.”

- Goethe

Barefoot +

Wed, 30 Mar 2011 23:47:00 -0500

I’ve been reading a lot about barefoot walking and tonight I decided to buy a pair of the original Vibram Five Fingers that were on sale for $59 at Sheels (I was overcharged however, check your receipt). Vibram recommends taking it slow getting used to walking barefoot. CouchTo5k is about taking it slow getting used to running. I’m going to walk in them for awhile and strengthen my muscles and feet prior to easing into CouchTo5k.

Several friends have embraced the barefoot running ~~fad~~ trend. I grew up walking and running on the beach and in the country and have always had what I believe is a healthy distrust for shoes and socks.

The theory that is making “barefooting” popular is the idea that your body is designed to, surprise, walk and run without $1000 in orthopedic braces/arches/shoes. By removing the bandaids and strengthening our muscles and joints, we can correct the causes of the pain we are only treating with our well stocked flex accounts.

Being someone that fully embraces a low carb lifestyle, going against the wisdom of organized medicine in order to do what feels right for my body is kind of a hobby.

Living closer to the earth and more like cavemen makes a lot of sense to me from a health perspective and I try to run all lifestyle decisions through that filter, at least at a high level.

CouchTo5k App

Wed, 30 Mar 2011 17:10:02 -0500

CouchTo5k App:

I just picked up CouchTo5k for my iPhone because it’s worked well for several friends of mine. I’m looking forward to starting soon.

Description

This workout training coach will help you get into shape using the C25K system, a series of interval workouts, each about 30 minutes, spanning 9 weeks, culminating in your ability to run 5 km (3.1 miles) without stopping or walking. This app was created by Lucius Kwok and Kasten Searles.

• 20 to 30 minute workouts, plus a 5-minute warmup & a 5-minute cooldown.
• Alternate between intervals of jogging & walking in an increasingly challenging set of workouts.
• Full program takes 9 weeks, but you can start at any point.
• Choose from female, male, or no voice prompts that tell you when to jog and when to walk.
• Prompts at the halfway and 1-minute-left marks.
• Keep track of each completed workout.
• Use it with your own playlists — music, podcasts, or other audio.
• Use it along with Nike+ (Nike Plus system for tracking your runs).
• Music controls within the app.
• Update Twitter and Facebook at the end of each workout.

Photo

Wed, 30 Mar 2011 15:54:58 -0500

Pants: I can breath with them again

Wed, 30 Mar 2011 14:09:26 -0500

Not only am I now able to put on my new pants without struggling (like I had to do when I tried them on), but I can tuck two shirts in! I’ve also noticed I’m much thinner around the ribs with a clear break with my (still fat) waist. A few weeks ago I was one solid tube of pasty, white man flesh. Now I am a curvy mass of pasty, white man flesh.

I’m intentionally not measuring myself because the numbers tend to derail me from living a healthier “lifestyle” and make it into a game that I can quit when I feel enough accomplishment.

Still, progress.

"Food is an important part of a balanced diet."

Mon, 28 Mar 2011 22:22:31 -0500

“Food is an important part of a balanced diet.”

- Fran Lebowitz

The Avoidance of Pain

Sun, 27 Mar 2011 12:17:00 -0500

I’ve been on this diet for a couple weeks now and I’ve begun to exercise again. It hurts.

It hurts and I’ve been avoiding pain for way too long.

I made feeble attempts at exercise over the years, but it’s been a decade or more since I had a routine.

I’m still not in a “routine” of any kind, but I’m making progress.

Today I did 25 push-ups.

Don’t get too congratulatory. They were knees down, “girl push-ups” and I didn’t want to do them. It was hard. It hurt my badly out-of-shape body.

But I did it. And the pain was temporary.

The number is a victory for me, because I used to do 25 push-ups (regular, adult man push-ups) every single day. For awhile it was my only major exercise and it kept me feeling good when I wasn’t swimming or walking.

Pushing through and doing these few “girly” push-ups even when it hurt, taught me something.

I’ve been avoiding pain.

Not just push-ups. Everything. All aspects of my life.

I’ve been avoiding the pain of exercise, of thinking about what I eat, of dealing with my bills and debt and general finances. It’s scary and hard and feels painful to undertake.

I’ve been avoiding the pain of talking to my parents. I haven’t seen them in years and I have a hundred reasons why that seems ok to me. Dad just got a pacemaker last Tuesday and I haven’t done more than email with my mother. That bothers me.

I’ve been avoiding the pain of being alone by dating people I don’t even like; people that aren’t healthy for me or aren’t what I want. At times I’ve had multiple women queued up in case one date falls through. All so I can avoid pain.

I was loaded up on anti-depressants for years. Nothing is better for avoiding pain than a drug that makes you feel happy and safe for no good reason—without making any effort.

I needed them when I started, but they slowed down my metabolism, made me gain weight every-single-week I was on them, even on the most hardcore diet. They took away my desire to do anything much at all. They even took away the pleasure of sex.

At some point I realized I can only be so undepressed [sic] without good sex. It’s unnatural.

I successfully avoided pain for a long time.

Unfortunately, avoiding all that pain didn’t make it go away. It just backed up. Built up. Got stronger.

And I got weaker.

Now, as I have kicked the meds and committed to keeping my seratonin levels elevated through diet and exercise, I realize that pain is not to be avoided.

Our bodies are designed to seek out physical comfort. To get fat and happy and have babies instead of risking our lives to change the world.

Our bodies like eating high energy foods and storing it all to our asses.

Pain means we are taking control.